Your mentee is excited. They have an offer for a role they really want, and they tell you the name of the person they would report to. You know that name. Five years ago you worked for this manager, and it was the worst eighteen months of your career. You left partly because of them.
Your first instinct may be to warn them off. Hold that for a moment, because what you know is real but narrower than it feels.
Start with how old your information is. Five years is a long time. People change, especially after a bad stretch, a new boss of their own, or some honest feedback. The manager you remember may not be the one your mentee would meet.
Then separate what happened from how it felt. "They cancelled most of our one to ones and changed priorities every week" is information your mentee can use. "They are awful" is a verdict, and it carries all your history with it. Give the first kind. Say clearly that it is one experience from one person, and that you and this manager may simply have been a poor match. Someone who drained you might suit a person who wants a lot of freedom and very little contact.
Be honest about your own part. If you were struggling with other things at the time, say so. It makes your account more believable, not less.
Then help them gather better evidence than yours. Suggest they ask to speak to someone currently on the team before accepting, which is a normal request. Give them a few questions that reveal the things you found hard. How are priorities set? How often do they meet one to one with their manager, and what happens when one is cancelled? What happened the last time someone disagreed with a decision?
Do not ask them to report back on the manager once they start. That turns them into a messenger in an old story that has nothing to do with them.
And if they take the job, wish them well and mean it. If it goes badly, they will remember you gave them an honest picture and let them decide. If it goes well, you may learn something about a person you thought you understood.
– Asael Shinder
Top comments (0)